CULTURE
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Inappropriate in the Year 2171 - October
M.B. Alexander
With the Holliday season gearing up, a festive list of inappropriate behavior for this Halloween is more appropriate than ever.
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Do not, I repeat, do not send the family task robot to “TP” other people’s homes. I mean that's seriously messed up. You’re not even into the activity itself, but you just like the idea of it getting done? Either go out there and throw toilet paper at things with your own bare hands or stay at home. But don’t send a task-bot to do your dirty work.
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Tech or bio-treating? Some tech tricks are appropriate while others are not. Such as hacking into NASA from your neighbor's computer. That's rude.
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It is also very disrespectful to install a fart machine in your sibling’s backpack with extra artificial smell-tech, then your mother’s purse, and your father's jet pack. Not cool.
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Handing out chocolate truffles that turn people’s skin green or change their voice to sound like a squirrel is also not in good practice. Even if it wears off after a day. It can completely clash with their costumes. You can’t be a green Jedi, can you?
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Cats that bark. Big no!
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Polite cats that open the door for you - even more inappropriate! I like my cats as they are, rude and aloof.
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Smart houses that talk about their feelings. You might think it's funny, but it's depressing to hear the thoughts of a house on Halloween. It's haunting in the wrong way. Save that stuff for mental health day or your therapist's birthday.
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Talking food - just stop it! Who started this dumb tradition? It's very hard to sip your hot chocolate when it's quoting Nietzsche, I mean I'll do it, just to show the hot chocolate who’s at the top of the chain. But seriously, I don't like my food talking back to me.
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While we're on the subject of inappropriate inanimate objects speaking: No more talking plates, cups, spoons, or mugs!!! Yes, it was fun in the augmented Beauty & The Beast, but it makes me feel really guilty for using them, and then absolutely dirty when I have to wash them.
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Last on our October list - no dressing up as your parents, stealing their aerial car, and driving out of the atmosphere to an orbital space colony Halloween party. Aerial cars are not equipped for prolonged space travel! You could get very stuck up there and it's not easy to yell out for help in outer space.