CULTURE
The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
Dear Louise Column
Dear Louise,
My neighbor has started confessing all her transgressions to me on a daily basis. She told me about stealing flowers from the city's floating gardens, about spitting into space from a pipe on the space shuttle, and eating alcohol laced chocolates after putting her children on the roof to watch the concert, "Interplanetary Marionettes" by satellite.
At first it wasn't that bad as the confessions were of the sort, like hiding carrots in her child's oatmeal, putting an extra teaspoon of sugar in her Latte, or skipping her space yoga class. But then she moved on to the type of problems I mentioned above, and now she is starting to tell me the most intimate details between she and her partners (they are a throuple), and it is making me very uncomfortable.
Do you think I am wrong to feel disturbed about Hedy's new "fess" habit?
She's been a wonderful neighbor all these years, until this recent spate of confessions, and I would still like to remain on good terms with her.
Louise, please . . . tell me what to do.
Sign me an unwilling confidante.
Dear Unwilling Confidante,
It appears you indeed have a problem. But I have a solution.
Earlier, in January, the company "Space Feels" came out with a new product called the Confession Space Horn, where one can shout out his/her or their problems or darkest secrets into the dark abyss of space through an actual horn placed on an observation point above the atmosphere. The party(ies) using this unburdens he/she/themselves, and the secrets literally disappear into space and no one is the wiser.
Why don't you try it yourself, and then let your neighbor know how wonderful it was for you and suggest she try it too.
I think she will thank you for it.
As always, Louise
Dear Louise,
I have been seeing what I thought was a woman for the last 6 months.
We have had some wonderful times. We like the same movies, the same food, and we both love to go space diving.
On my way to work I saw her chatting with a group of androids near one of their hangouts and decided to check her out. When I entered her name into the Intergalactica data base, I found out she was an Android who had been given sensitivity training and had been outfitted with other "human" qualities.
I have nothing against Androids, but I resent being lied to.
I haven't confronted her yet, and I don't know what to do.
Been Had in Haiti.
Dear Had,
Your new girlfriend was probably afraid to tell you.
You said you liked her, and you and she share the same interests. You also said you have nothing against Androids.
So tell her what you told me, and let her know you accept her for who and what she is and still want to be with her. But let her know on no uncertain terms, you will not accept lying or deceit in the future.
Always, Louise
By Louise Farfel