The Intergalactic
Space Chronicle
NEWS
Candy Heiress Meltdown
By M.B. Alexander
Could you really blame Una Blitz for rolling around in a Skittles pool with sticky lollipops in her hair, after chugging directly from the chocolate faucets of a factory assembly line? All while humanoid android factory workers gaze at her with pity and great confusion? Wouldn't you react the same way if you heard that your billionaire parents would be leaving their entire estate and the candy factories to clones they’ve created of themselves, not you?
Hey, I run for ice cream and carbs if I've had a bad day. So if my parents had a “willywanka” chocolate pool, you better bet your left eye I’d be dipping my head in that thing if I just lost my whole inheritance.
We all grew up on Blitz Candy. Who could resist their self-chewing bubble gum or rude chocolate bars that mouth the most obscene things before you bite into them? I still remember the images of little Una jacked up on sugar, displayed all over our daily hologram feed. It made me feel like part of their family.
But a close friend of the Blitz empire reported that Una was less than sweet when she discovered her parents' clones brewing in their artificial womb pods. She added rather vulgar gravity to those pods, expressing her extreme dismay.
So why have Tia and Paul Blitz decided to pass the throne of Blitz Candy to their new selves rather than their organic successor?
It seems that the candy king and queen think their original DNA pattern is flawless and that Una, well, isn't.
They also feel that Una needs another forty years of childhood before she can take over. Perhaps they feel this way because Una is only interested in tasting things. She has no interest in candy engineering and all the other boring factors of running a business.
Who can blame her? I’d prefer a candy bar to stacks of numbers and test tubes in a dull lab. I’d rather lick a gummy slide than code candy bar data into a computer.
What does this mean for Una Blitz?
Well, at least they're not cutting off her candy supply. Most people would sell their organic right arm for another round of childhood. And what if her cloned parents turn out to be much better than her original parents? You know, once they grow up themselves.