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CULTURE

The Intergalactic 

Space Chronicle 

A Merry Martian Christmas

By M.B. Alexander

When you live on a very hot inhospitable planet, that seems to just want to turn you into a human raisin, Christmas cheer is very important. It builds up morale and brings people together. This is why Martians go way over the top when it comes to Christmas. Sure they’ve had to make a few adjustments . . .

One such alteration would be snow. It is very hard to get a white Christmas on this toasty orb. But with the top engineers of our time working on it, Martians have come up with some creative and tasty solutions. Every Christmas Eve white cold specs of what is essentially ice cream fall from the top of the Martians' domed communities. Children build snowmen and sled on the odd substance joyfully the next day.

Luckily they have a sufficient amount of cleaning bots to scrub off the sticky mess left for the next day.

Christmas Trees are also done a bit differently on the red planet. Martians don’t like waste, and they are also very picky about what they grow in their limited habitable space. So a pine tree that does not supply a substantial food source couldn't fit the brief. Instead, they use banana trees, which are durable, edible, and die naturally after harvest. The leaves can be used for a multitude of things including sweets, packing a sandwich, and creating biodegradable bowls. I know, that's bananas! But they’re perfect for Martian life, and they make a very festive Christmas tree.

Lastly, there are Martian Christmas decorations. While Earthlings deck their halls with boughs of holly and endless lights, Martians need to converse energy, so they’ve bio-engineered an edible berry that looks like holly, but tastes like strawberries and pops in your mouth like pop rocks. It's also loaded with nutrients and gives you a serious energy boost. Kisses under this mistletoe may be a bit too enthusiastic for Martians.

As for the lights, all the plants of the domed Martian communities get a special glowy cocktail the week before Christmas, which makes them all light up in an array of neon madness.

Is it a lot? Well, Martians like going over the top and aren't the type to give up on anything easily, certainly not on anything so jolly such as Christmas. They just found a way to make it their own. Merry Christmas Martians!!! Bananas for all and to all a good night.

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