On an elevated walkway, just above New York’s Wallstreet Crater, a mysterious masked man slices up an eclectic Turkish Shawarma using what can only be described as a short beam of light seemingly in violation of the laws of physics.

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The new street-side joint has New Yorkers standing in line again, and older patrons swear that it takes them back to the mid-21st, before real meat was banned.

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Mr V’s. flag wrap, the so-called Soylent Special is selling like hot cakes (or perhaps more like the tastiest street food in New York). Comprised of an unidentified synth-meat product, could the chef known only as DV be selling contraband animal protein? The recent disappearance of some celebrity food critics has the rumor mill swirling.

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Restaurant goers don’t seem to care, and real journalists, such as yours truly, secretly hope that we are in fact eating a deceased food writer.

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According to a New York city detective who requested to remain unnamed, “look, whenever a great new synth-meat joint comes around, people immediately start to assume the worst. There is no reason to believe that DV is slaughtering people in a back alley behind the restaurant.”

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After going down there myself, I have to say that Darthwarma is a force to be reckoned with. Their unique brand of street meat, whether in a wrap or pita, soon to open in two new locations, could be the beginnings of a culinary empire.

With those moist succulent juices slowly dribbling down your chin, who wouldn’t sacrifice a few fellow New Yorkers to get another bite.